I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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