My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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