stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
is that a dick in a sweater?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
