He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
