I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
