Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
