Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
