U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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