She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize