I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
