After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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