O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize