Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize