Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
