God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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