Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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