Who wears a wallet chain?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
