My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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