On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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