It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
