You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
