There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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