Just fell off a train. Bad.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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