I'm really into asian looking animals
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
high people should be assigned attendants
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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