i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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