Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
