Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
