I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
