At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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