I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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