He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
