just tell him i said nine months
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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