i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
