I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
