I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
