1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
