It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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