your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
