I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize