i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
