So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
