I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
