A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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