Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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