You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
