Plan B is the new Plan A
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you had me at cake vodka
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This baby is an asshole
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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