U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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