My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
