guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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