I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
