ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
