made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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