I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
