Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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