Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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