I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
