Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
