R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
