I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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