Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
