it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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